Oh, the Irony
by FHGVZEhyde
Summary: The Gods must have an odd sense of humor. Kurt is left holding Puck's jacket while the jock picks himself up out of a dumpster. Not slash. One-shot.


**Oh, the Irony**

The Gods must have an odd sense of humor. Kurt is left holding Puck's jacket while the jock picks himself up out of a dumpster. Not slash. One-shot.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any of the characters.

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It was a crisp, clear October day. The sun was just setting behind Jefferson High School's auditorium. There was loud music blasting from within the school, muffled by the closed doors. Wind rattled brightly colored leaves across the parking lot, strewn with cars but devoid of people. The flaming leaves were the same hue as the sunset.

There were only two people outside; everyone else was in the auditorium enjoying the Glee Club competition. The two teenagers sat side-by-side on the steps, sharing a bag of popcorn and a pair of earbuds, nodding along to the music only they could hear.

One was a slight, pale boy with impeccably combed hair and effeminate features and the other was a chubby black girl with a habit of singing along with the song for a few chords, then falling silent, only to break into song again a few seconds later. Both wore semi-matching outfits consisting of blue-collared shirts, skinny black ties, and black pants.

For the fifth time, the girl burst into a riff and then became quiet. The boy rolled his eyes and removed his earbud.

"Mercedes, if you start singing again I'm going back inside. I need to hear the male part and you're drowning it out."

Mercedes looked at the boy, a challenge in her eye. "Excuse me little Miss Thang. This is how I listen to music. And why are you stressing anyway? We're gonna be fine, our competition's a joke. Dial it down Kurt."

Kurt sniffed delicately. "Well at least stop hogging the popcorn."

Mercedes sighed, smiled, and handed the bag over.

"Hey, you guys Glee freaks?"

The two looked up at the insult.

There were three large, muscular boys standing a few feet in front of them. They hadn't even noticed the jocks approach. All three wore blue varsity jackets with a "J" for Jefferson.

"We're not freaks, like you steroid guzzling Neanderthals." Kurt replied flippantly and then stood, taking Mercedes by the elbow and raising her along with him. There was a dumpster in sight and Kurt didn't want today's lunch all over his Glee uniform.

"What did you say?" The largest of the three stepped forward menacingly. The name stitched onto his jacket labeled the jock as Chip. Kurt fought a smile from his face. Chip was such a jock name.

Chip ran his eyes over Kurt, his brow furrowing. "I know you…"

"Let's go inside Kurt." Mercedes pulled her friend towards the door.

"Hummel." Chip said suddenly. Kurt and Mercedes stopped in their retreat. Chip smiled meanly. "You're McKinley's kicker. You did that gay little dance."

Kurt wrenched his arm out of Mercedes' grasp. "Excuse me, that "gay little dance" won us the game."

It occurred to Kurt as he was speaking that Jefferson was McKinley's biggest rival and he wished he had kept his mouth shut.

In a flash, Chip had grabbed Kurt by the collar. In a moment of clarity, as Kurt saw Chip raise his fist, he thought the portly boy moved awfully fast for a big guy.

"Hey ankle-grabber."

Chip's fist stopped half-way to Kurt's face.

Comically, everyone turned to look at the door. Puck stood framed in the doorway, music blasting out from behind him. He was dressed like Kurt and Mercedes, the blue shirt stretched tightly over his muscles under his red varsity jacket. The teen was glaring at Chip in a deadly manner.

"Mr. Schue wants you guys back inside to warm up." Puck spoke to Mercedes but his eyes didn't leave Chip.

Kurt tried to move but Chip had a firm hold on his shirt.

"You." Chip growled.

"Me." Puck agreed.

Kurt and Mercedes looked anxiously between the two.

"You're next on my list Puckerman, nobody messes with my mom, but first I'm gonna deal with your queer sidekick." Chip turned his attention back to Kurt and raised his fist again.

Kurt closed his eyes, expecting a painful impact. It didn't come. He opened his eyes.

Chip was on the ground. Puck was standing in front of Kurt, hand still balled into a fist.

Chip scrambled to his feet and launched himself at Puck, his two buddies right behind him.

Puck whipped off his jacket and thrust it behind him to Kurt, ducking Chip's first swing and landing a sharp right. Chip's head flew backwards, crimson flooding out of his nose.

One of the others tackled Puck around the waist and the scuffle tumbled to the ground. They kicked up a small cloud of dust, arms and legs flailing wildly. Puck struggled, but it was three against one and he was pinned.

"Let's put this Lima trash where it belongs." Chip crowed. The other two grinned and grabbed Puck by the legs and arms, hoisting him into the air. Puck tried to break free of their grasp as they marched him over to the dumpster.

Chip opened the lid and smirked at Puck. Puck glared right back.

The two jocks swung Puck once and launched him into the trash. Chip slammed the lid shut over him. He turned back to look at Kurt and Mercedes, grinning in a macabre way through the blood on his face. "Later freaks."

The group of jocks exchanged high-fives and walked away laughing.

Puck opened the lid and lifted himself up, straddling the edge of the dumpster, brushing himself off. His clothes weren't completely ruined, just discolored by what looked like ketchup, or it could have been blood. The boy was coated in dust and blood trickled down his face from a cut under his eye.

Kurt approached cautiously. Puck looked at the smaller boy and quirked an eyebrow questioningly, waiting. "Nobody's ever stuck up for me like that." Kurt said softly.

Puck swung down and scowled at Kurt. "Maybe if you weren't such a pussy I wouldn't have to." He growled, taking his jacket back.

Kurt looked down. "But…why…?"

Puck sighed, like the question pained him. "As much as I hate it, you're on my team, Glee and football…and nobody messes with my teammates." Puck paused and smirked. "Except me."

Kurt smiled.

"Uh, hello boys? We have to go perform like, two minutes ago." Mercedes reminded them.

The two boys joined her on the steps. Kurt went inside. Puck was reaching for the doors when Mercedes stopped him. She smiled. "Good going Tiger." She disappeared inside.

Puck scowled, but headed inside to join the rest of the Glee club to get ready.

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**Author's Note:**

Hi! This is my first Glee fanfiction, please be kind.

I'm pretty sure it's unhealthy how much I love Puck, seriously. It's not okay. Anyway, I got this idea, liked it, write it out, and here it is. Keep in mind it's not slash.

PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks


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